The Awakening of John - Episode 12

It was much later before they were able to resume their conversation. They’d both prayed for Trev, John moved by his vulnerability and willingness to share and by Bob’s earnest praying for his peace. It raised even more questions in John’s mind, but he decided to store those for later, and as they washed up the dinner things, he said, “I guess I just don’t buy the original sin stuff. I don’t think I ever have really. I mean, I signed up to it during Alpha and baptismal classes, but deep down I never got it. Maybe that’s why I’ve struggled, maybe that means I’m not really a Christian – but if love really is to do with freedom to choose – I didn’t choose what Eve did – and nor did Claire.” He hadn’t realised how close to the surface the anger still was and surprised himself by punching the wall with his fast wrapped in a tea towel. The pain felt strangely comforting.

Bob nodded in assent: “One person’s choice cursing all future generations, condemning them to futility and death, making their fatal sin inevitable... And then you look at people like Trevor; looked down on, laughed at behind his back yet desperately trying to do what is right, what others tell him is right – even when it might cost him his own happiness... How can someone like that be deserving of death?”

John looked at Bob and with astonishment at Bob’s words, exclaimed “Exactly! It’s so unfair....” He would have gone on, but Bob spoke again.

“Or Claire. I remember her love for her big brother. How proud she was at your graduation. She was always delighted when other people did well.” John found a sob rising and sat down as Bob continued, “And when she got the diagnosis... we wept, we saw the purity of her heart as she wrestled, listened to the well-meaning prayers. And as the end came there was no bitterness, her only thoughts were for you and others she loved... How could anyone see her and believe she deserved what was happening?”

John could barely breathe as he listened to God articulate the very questions he had. “Then why?” he struggled to ask. “If you know that, why?”

But Bob continued, “And when Jesus, our precious Jesus, hung... and we heard him cry out to the Father ‘why have you abandoned me, what did I do to deserve this?’” He shook his head as he sat on the floor next to him and said, “John, my beloved John, there was no glib answer then that could possibly satisfy, and there isn’t one now... This is too big, too important for an answer that can be delivered in a few words. But for now, I can say this. It has nothing to do with what Claire or you or anyone else deserves.