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The Awakening of John - Episode 13

John had gone to sleep that night with a conflict raging inside. The answer Bob had given wasn’t an answer, but the pain he felt, the intimate knowledge of what it felt like couldn’t be ignored. At one moment he wanted to hate Bob, at the next, he wanted to share with him his deepest hurt. He fell asleep with both competing for his attention. Breakfast was an exercise in avoiding the big issues, John thought he’d divert by asking “So, Bob, you encouraged me to get to know Mubina, is that because you want me to lead her to Christ or marry her – or both?” Bob rewarded him with one of his deep voiced laughs. “Well, I reckon in different ways you could both ‘lead each other to Christ’ and as for marrying, whose decision is that?” John as usual was unprepared for the answer and the question. He stumbled, “What? I don’t understand, what do you mean we could lead each other – I’ve already...” he trailed off... “... and I guess the couple get to decide, but haven’t you already decided who th...
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The Awakening of John - Episode 12

It was much later before they were able to resume their conversation. They’d both prayed for Trev, John moved by his vulnerability and willingness to share and by Bob’s earnest praying for his peace. It raised even more questions in John’s mind, but he decided to store those for later, and as they washed up the dinner things, he said, “I guess I just don’t buy the original sin stuff. I don’t think I ever have really. I mean, I signed up to it during Alpha and baptismal classes, but deep down I never got it. Maybe that’s why I’ve struggled, maybe that means I’m not really a Christian – but if love really is to do with freedom to choose – I didn’t choose what Eve did – and nor did Claire.” He hadn’t realised how close to the surface the anger still was and surprised himself by punching the wall with his fast wrapped in a tea towel. The pain felt strangely comforting. Bob nodded in assent: “One person’s choice cursing all future generations, condemning them to futility and death, making...
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The Awakening of John - Episode 11

It was Trevor, or as Bob, and nobody else called him, Trev. He wanted to see if Bob was in as he had a question. John’s immediate response was to send him packing. He needed answers and he’d given up the possibility of spending the evening with Mubina to get them. But he remembered house-group and how Bob had reached out to include him. He invited him in. “Heh, Bob, Trev popped round to ask you a question.” Bob looked for a moment at John and smiled, nodding slightly, “come in Trev, we’re just eating pizza, want some?” John was slightly bemused at this offer since as far as he was aware, they’d just finished the last slice. “Well,” said Trevor, “I did think you were having curry, which I’m not too keen on, but if there’s some pizza going spare, that would be very kind.” John grabbed another glass, desperately looking to see how Bob handled the not curry and no-pizza-left scenario. “What toppings do you like?” Bob asked to which they all chorused “Make me one with everything” which ...
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The Awakening of John - Episode 10

 “I forgot I was supposed to be bringing pizza…” was John’s greeting to Bob as he entered the flat. “Ah, never mind, we’ve got the ingredients here, you can make me one with everything – I’ve been dying to say that all day.” “What?” asked John, bemused. “One with everything – it’s a classic – a whole sermon series in that.” Then seeing that John was still not getting it, “here, you chop the veg, I’ll make the dough. You can tell me about your day whilst we cook.” “Make me one with everything – I’ve just got it, a pizza called ‘shalom’, nice. My day was good, actually.   Surprisingly.” “Ah, I’m pleased. And was Mubina part of the goodness of the day by any chance?” “She was – we had lunch together in the park – I’m glad you encouraged me to get to know her.” “People are different when you get passed the labels, that’s part of the fun.” “Yeah… and maybe God is different when you get passed the labels too…” said John wondering if that was a step too far. Bob lau...
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The Awakening of John - Episode 9

Strangely, it seemed to John, he left the flat with his stomach churning less than normal and didn’t even get irate at the Fiat Panda that cut him up at the roundabout and then took the last place in the carpark. He glanced at his watch and had an idea. Fifteen minute later, he arrived at work with an Espresso and a milkshake and dropped in on Mubina before his newfound self-assurance leaked.  She wasn’t at her desk – he saw her further down the corridor speaking with a colleague. Embarrassed to wait, he nipped into her office and placed the milkshake on top of a hastily written note and left. He wondered if she might call him, but all his calls were the dull, work-related types and he realised that his familiar anxiety had returned, worried that he had offended Mubina or overstepped a mark. He recalled that Bob had said he understood how hard it was not to be anxious and made a mental note to ask him, realising as he did that he was both glad to have Bob around and mad at him si...
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The Awakening of John - Episode 8

Breakfast got off to a shaky start. For one, the smell of curry permeated the flat making it hard to ignore last night’s events. And the pain was still raw and surfaced, but John had no idea how to process any of it, meanwhile Bob seemed to be waiting for him to take a lead. It was all very British; polite with a veneer of civility covering over the reality.   In the time BB (before Bob) John would have listed his presenting issues to God in his quiet time. It didn’t generally change anything, but the ritual, the sense of having done the ‘right’ thing definitely helped him feel better. But now that Bob, that God, was somehow in the flat with him, the idea of a ‘quiet time’ seemed faintly ridiculous. Which meant he was even more lost – dislocated, perhaps. He decided that was a safe thing to talk about. “I know my ‘quiet times’ were often rushed and I realise they kind of missed the point, but now that you’re actually here, I don’t know what to do…” Bob looked up from his toas...
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The Awakening of John - Episode 7

With trepidation and something else fluttering inside, John entered the house. It was silent and with no smell of cooking. Having been anxious about Bob’s presence, he was now angry about his absence. He half-stormed into the kitchen and saw there was a note on the table. “Hi John, I’ve gone to get us some takeaway, I thought Indian, easier to talk when there’s fire in your mouth as well as in your heart. Bob.” So, he knew. Knew the pain his crass words had caused. Well, that made things easier, the barriers to his anger that had been getting smaller all day were now completely gone. He heard the door open as Bob arrived. He came into the kitchen, no words, no apology, nothing to defuse the ticking bomb. John turned to stare Bob in the face and mimicked his words from the morning. “Feeling bad is good. Your body is wonderful, it heals itself.” He turned away, unable to look at Bob anymore as he screamed, “No, it fucking doesn’t! She died.” A sob broke from his chest as he tried to ...
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